Being a mom is hard enough. Being a working mom is even harder. I have it pretty easy in terms of having hassle-free childcare {my mother-in-law} and a husband who has flexible work hours. Not to mention, my brother just moved into our basement suite {another built-in} and my parents are just a phone call away on Mondays and Tuesdays {sometimes}. But I feel guilty. Guilty that I'm not with Lil J during the day and watching him hit his milestones. Guilty that I'm burdening my mother-in-law even though she insists that we're not and gets mad at me when I ask her if she needs a break. Guilty when I have to call my brother to watch Lil J {and Miss S, if it's summer} in the mornings when we're stuck. Especially since my brother works the graveyard shift! Guilty when I have to call my dad to see if he can watch Lil J on his days off. Just one big guilt-trip.
So now we're looking into daycares that will take Lil J for approximately a month while my mother-in-law goes away on {a much needed} vacation. Which is super stressful since most daycares won't take kids on a month-to-month basis. It's got me thinking that it might not be a bad idea for Lil J to be in daycare and be around other kids - even if it's just part-time. At least my mother-in-law will get a break.
My only fear is that Lil J won't get the attention, care, and love that he gets from his family. Maybe they'll feed him sweets and junk food. Maybe they won't change his diapers for hours. Maybe they might be verbally abusive. All of those thoughts are swarming around my head constantly. Honestly, I would leave work today if I could.
So here we go...total mom guilt trip #298476. It's never ending, isn't it?
Our 2.5yo is in daycare part time. He went full time for 6 months and then he went part time. It's funny you mentioned about being scared about enrolling your son in daycare. We have the opposite view when it comes to family taking care of our son. It wouldn't be possible anyway since we have no family near us.
ReplyDeleteWe also have trust issues. We trust daycare because they are licensed and trained to care for small children. They also treat all kids fairly so we wouldn't be at risk of having our child spoiled. They teach at daycare and help prepare kids to be independent so to us it's not simply babysitting. The daycare we go to is a good group care and the staff is very friendly and caring. We all love it there:) Of course there is a price to pay since good daycares have long wait lists and are expensive. Our daycare is about $1200/month for full time care and you have to pack your own lunch.
It's not that we don't trust our son's safety with our family, assuming they were near us. We don't have the same parenting views and we don't want just babysitting. We also don't want to feel like we owe anyone anything and would feel better paying someone for their service. No one in our family has even babysat our toddler for more than 10mins (that was just 1 time too). I'm worried we may be hurting their feelings but the trust problem is mainly with my husband since it's my side of the family. He kind of thinks we're all dysfunctional. I keep reminding him that I'm part of that family and he still married me! Ha.
Feeling guilty is common. I feel guilty whenever I have to work and can not put them to sleep.
ReplyDeleteInstead of a plain daycare where the kids just run around, you should look into an actual pre-school. Your child will have more attention there and will be gaining needed knowledge(instead of things he just picks up from other kids in a daycare setting).
Thank you for your views mamas!
ReplyDelete@mommyingaround - Your situation is opposite of mine! Both of our families are great with Lil J {although we don't trust my mom alone with him} and he has a ton of cousins that hang out with him on a daily basis. I think it would be great for him to be around kids his own age though.
@This Cookn' Mom - I agree about pre-school. I have him registered for next September. The one daycare I called seems quite structured so I'm hoping everything works out with them because their rates are fairly reasonable. That being said, you pay for what you get so I'm curious as to why the rates are lower.
I think that this is a pretty normal feeling to have, its this internal conflict that we put ourselves through.
ReplyDeleteFor us, we don't have any family right around us. The closest one is over an hour drive away and works full time, the next is on Vancouver Island. However, we found the Mary Poppins of at home licensed daycare and our boy goes there 2 days a week. I am thrilled with her, good daycare is possible to find. I'm also fortunate to work shift work and work a lot of weekends while my husband is off. There are sacrifices for sure but that's to be expected. Its part of being a mother.