the journey 2.0: almost halfway & lil j's birth story

Week 19

It's hard to believe that I'm almost halfway through this pregnancy!  So much has been going through my mind in the past week:  have to get organized, clean up the house, fix up the house, paint all the rooms, buy new furniture, think of baby names and share with husband this time...........how the f**k am I going to deliver this baby?

You may or may not know {and I don't think I've ever blogged about this} but I had an emergency c-section with Lil J.  Definitely not my choice of delivery - I was actually really against c-sections - but as it turns out, it was my only choice of delivery.

I had gone into the hospital for a routine ultrasound at 7am in the morning.  Things weren't looking 100% to the technician and she advised that I discuss it with my OB.  Luckily, I had an appointment scheduled right after the ultrasound with my OB as she was on-call at the hospital that day.  From the time I left the ultrasound office to the time I got to the maternity ward, my OB had apparently decided that I would give birth that day - no negotiations.

The ultrasound had shown that I had lost a significant amount of amniotic fluid.  I was only a day past my due date and I thought it was crazy because I had done so much reading on pregnancy and birth that I thought I knew everything!  Of course I didn't.  One website said to track baby's movements in the last weeks of pregnancy.  I remember I didn't feel much movement two days before but I felt a lot of movement the day before so I didn't really question it {as I'm typing this I just felt baby #2 move!}.  I thought I was just going in for a routine check-up and ultrasound and I'd be on my merry way.  I even had plans to go to Toys 'R Us and return a few items and then meet up with a fellow expecting mama for coffee. 

Things did not go as planned.

My birth plan:  out the window.

My husband:  not answering his phone.

My dad, mother and brother:  not answering their phones.

My car:  parked on the street at a meter.  My OB and nurses advised that I could not leave the hospital to move it.

My mother-in-law:  well, she was right!  She told my husband to go with me to my appointments, just in case.  But we weren't hearing her...we said that I'd be fine.  What were we thinking - not listening to a very experienced mother and grandmother?

My husband:  still not answering his phone.  Where the f**k is he?

The nurses are ushering me to my private room, quickly getting me into a bed.  "C-sections, induction, possible, emergency".  Those are the words I heard.  It was kind of a blur.  It felt so surreal.  I started shaking...more like shivering.  I was so cold all of a sudden.  My whole body was shaking.  I asked the nurse for a blanket.  Then more blankets.  Nothing helped.  I guess I was in a state of shock.  I thought I was actually going to go through labour....then at least I would know that it would be happening sometime soon.

They attached me to a monitor to check baby's heart rate.  It had stabilized so they decided to induce me.  The nurses told me it could take up to 2 hours for the contractions to start.  Apparently I started having contractions but I didn't feel anything.  My OB came into my room to give me a pep talk.  She was about to perform an emergency c-section on another patient and she'd be back right afterwards.

Finally, a familiar face showed up - my sister-in-law.  And then my husband followed a couple minutes later.  I had finally got ahold of him and he had to rush back home to get my suitcase.  The doctors told my sister-in-law that it would be at least a couple more hours and that she could go home and come back.

10 minutes later.......a rush of doctors and nurses filled my room in a state of panic.  The monitor had shown that baby's heart rate was rapidly decreasing to 50 beats per minute.  The baby had to come out now.  I was given something to drink and rushed off to the OR.  I was shivering uncontrollably at this time but surprisingly calm.  My husband was given a hospital gown to change into and then he was told to wait.  The doctors told me they would be putting me under and that I would be "falling asleep" soon.  The next thing I knew, a doctor was putting pressure on my neck and then I was out like a light.

Unfortunately, my husband wasn't present for Lil J's birth.  Everything just happened too quickly.

I woke up about 45 minutes later {apparently} and I felt a nurse lift me up and saying, "We're just going to take an x-ray of you to make sure they didn't leave anything inside of you".  Very reassuring.  But at that point, and the state I was in, I just didn't care.  A doctor came over and said congratulations and asked me if I had a boy or girl.  I had no idea.  The nurse told me I had a boy.  A beautiful, healthy baby boy.  My hubby was quickly by my side with a huge grin on his face.  Right then, I knew everything was okay.  He asked me what I wanted to name our son.  I knew he had a name picked out and he had already told everyone about it, but I wasn't really feeling it.  I told him Lil J {not his real name, obviously!} - after my brother and my dad.........let's just squish their names together!  And he agreed and our baby boy was Lil J!

I was then wheeled into my 'delivery' room and my whole family was there with Lil J.  Wow.  So sweet and tiny and beautiful.  Of course, I was heavily drugged and the whole day was a blur but I finally had my little angel.  No words can describe those moments.

Somehow this post has turned into Lil J's birth story.  I guess it's because I'm feeling a little anxious this time around because I am so adamant about having a VBAC {vaginal birth after a c-section} and no c-section.  Call me crazy but I want to be able to experience birth....the contractions and the whole nine yards {I might be saying something different when it actually happens!}.  And because I never actually went through labour or felt my contractions with Lil J, I am.....well....terrified!!!  But I'm also super excited.  Beyond.  I was just adding items to my baby registry and I couldn't get over how giddy I was feeling.  I'm so ready for this and slightly sad that my pregnancy is already halfway done.  But I am SO excited to meet this little one!